Parent Coaching Kit

The use of the Parent/Teen Contract can make the “learning to drive” process a very meaningful “Rite of Passage” process for a new teen driver. It is an opportunity to use the contract as a basis of clear communication, upfront at the time of permit and/or licensing, without using “threats” by parents and a “what-ever attitude” by a teen. We recommend that parents and teens literally sit at the kitchen table and go over the contract in detail, and discuss exactly what it means. And also, that the consequences are taken seriously and will be enforced as it is agreed upon.

It is extremely important that parents and guardians keep in mind that when you sign for a teen to get a license, you are signing for financial responsibility. The teen is a minor until age 18, and they cannot get the permit or license by themselves. In addition, parents have the ability to withdraw their signatures, and the license is automatically rescinded. That control given to the parents is absolutely necessary to protect the family assets.

Parents should make sure, without question, that the new teen driver has received the preparation and training necessary to become a competent and skillful driver and that the teen can make good decisions while driving. Teens need to understand that they are responsible to the family for their actions and that the teen will not risk the assets of the family. Otherwise, the parents will withdraw their signatures. Obviously, this is more effectively done as an upfront agreement rather than as a threat.

As to the elements of the contract: The elements in regard to drinking and driving should be obvious. But teens need to understand upfront that this behavior is NOT acceptable.

At the time of licensing, parents must understand the state laws in regard to the conditions of the teen’s license. As an example, many teens (and some parents) seem to think that the odds of a teen being caught driving with other teens in the car (which in some states is not permitted for a specific period of time) are not good, and even if caught, the price of the ticket is not that much. Parents MUST understand that the price of the ticket is not the “big deal”. The most important thing is that if the teen has a crash while other kids are in the car, the parents of the driver are in an almost indefensible position. (That is, the other kids should NOT have been in the car – period.) This is true even IF the other driver was the cause of the crash.)

It is particularly important if, as a parent, you begin the process with the teen that “driving is NOT a right”. It is a privilege. And that you, as a parent, are in charge of granting the privileges. So that it might be wise of the teen to get on your good side by acting responsibly. In our opinion, the single most dangerous thing that teens are doing in a car today is being distracted by their cell phones. This is something that most parents have not had to deal with.

There is tragic story after tragic story in regard to teens texting and being in head-on collisions, or running off the road and hitting a tree, and being killed or horribly injured. This is a situation that is going to have to be managed by the family. (Most law enforcement people cannot actually see what a kid is doing while distracted on their phones.) It is therefore our strong recommendation that one of the elements of the contract is that the consequence of the parent even HEARING about a teen using a phone while driving, is that the driving privileges are done.

Parents should also consider requiring the teen to pay for specific things relative to driving such as the additional costs of insurance now that they are driving; or the additional costs if they get a violation, or a portion of their gas, etc. Parents can get very creative in regard to this and it has a huge impact upon the attitude of the teen. Being involved in the safety business of teen drivers nationally, we hear about the incidents of teens who have been given new sports cars, or collector “muscle” cars by parents who really want to give their kids something special. As parents, we can all understand that. However, let me give you an actual situation that happened recently. A 17-year-old teen new driver is given a new BMW M-5. The car has over 400 horsepower and has all the tricks for high performance. With four friends in the car, he hits a tree at triple-digit speed, and all are killed. Can you imagine how the father would feel, after that experience? Enough said! A BMW M-5 after four or five years of responsible driving would probably be just fine!

Parents, be sure to give your teen a copy of the face of the contract – for them to keep and read. And you might want to just mention it to them periodically. (They could forget all about it after a while.)

We wish you good luck through the process.